Underworld

So I got home from work today and the wife queues up Underworld on Netflix right after she tells me to look for the Love, Actually DVD, so I know know if this is better or worse for you. But let's get on with it.

I first saw this movie years ago. It does not get better with age. I mean, sure. The vampires want to maintain racial purity. I get that motivation. The "lycans", and they are fooling no one. They are werewolves. Anyway...the leader of the werewolves wants to...make a...mixed race...guy. I guess. And he died with a smile on his lips when it was done. Very weird. And vampires are all coniving, lying, kinslaying bad guys. If you have the option of killing your daughter or killing the husband that you super don't like, who do you choose? Why let them get married in the first place? Bah.

Also, if the vampires are so allegedly superior than humans then why is it that over the course of this movie:

a) a subway train snuck up on the protagonist.
b) werewolf stabbed a giant sword through the hood of the car twice before actually hitting the vampire and having said vampire actually react to any threats from the roof of the car.
c) every time an armed vampire is confronted with a werewolf going through the "change of life" they wait for the wolf to finish before opening up on him.
d) whips? Really? You deserve to have your head eatten.
e) and this point is for both sides, if no one can survive the bite from both a vampire and a werewolf then why the hell are they messing around with neck snapping and swords not just biting each other? Tranq guns filled with their own saliva?

If you just shut the hell up and watch it then it's an OK movie, I guess. But for anyone who doesn't just turn off during a movie there are better movies. Watch Ginger Snaps if you're looking for werewolves. Watch Blackula if you're looking for a vampire movie. Watch Supernatural if you're looking for both because that show is bitching.

This is Dave and this is your virtual reality check.